The subject of the latest bachelor, Jason Mesnick has been a source of many a lively opinion and conversation after he had a change of heart, broke up with his final TV choice of Melissa, and re-instated his relationship with Molly, the last of the girls he had sent packing.
There are two main issues being discussed concerning the turn of events on the show, ‘The Bachelor.’ One is that of Jason’s emotional breakdowns that included tears. The other is that he broke up with his first TV choice, opting for the one he had finally and previously rejected.
I do have some opinions about both of these issues that I think are very sensible. These are in keeping with the book I authored; ‘Kindred Threads-Loving Relationships—a Common Sense Layman’s Guide.’
Where matters of the heart are concerned, there has to be great care taken for the lasting impacts those issues will have on the lives concerned of all involved.
I think Jason made the right decision for several reasons and I will get to that. But first, let’s talk about the tears. I realize that my opinions on both these issues will be unpopular and unappreciated by many, but hear me out.
While many say they don’t feel it’s right for a male to cry because it’s unmanly, etc., there are more important things to consider; honesty for one.
Most people respect and adore sensitivity and even say they look for that as a trait in those they would consider ideal. I think a man that shows sensitivity is being real as well as honest enough to shed some facade of society’s expectation and definition of what a man is supposed to be. Isn’t honesty always better? Jason was pouring his heart out, regardless of cameras and the millions of viewers and I think that’s a wonderful statement to his stellar character because it shows what is most important to him, regardless of what anyone thinks.
I’m not talking about some simpering male that sheds tears at the drop of a hat over every little thing. That’s quite a different matter. This is big and a life-altering experience.
As most anyone who has ever had any romantic feelings for another will recognize, there are those people who one is attracted to for indefinable reasons. It’s called chemistry, though with time, as the presence of other factors are accentuated, new considerations cause reality to set in and dwindle the original feelings with clearer definition.
However, through all this, many people stay in relationships because it’s too awkward to make the change. They are afraid of hurting the other as well as being afraid of how it will appear to onlookers; fearful of the disruption, rearrangement, major trouble and inconvenience it will cause in both lives. Also, there is the factor that it will be a tremendous change in routine that will be hard to get used to.
We’ve all known couples who have gone together for years, then one breaks it off to everyone’s shock. Often they get back together because life outside the relationship is too much of a difference in routine. However, if the breakup ever happened, one person is still going to have the same discontentment issues, and if he is honest, another breakup usually reoccurs. Then that person finds another fairly quickly and there is a marriage.
The breakup has nothing to do with loving the person. Too often they do love, or/and respect the other and that’s the problem and what makes it so hard. The person is wonderful, loving and just what they would want in a spouse and the parent of their children. But there is that something special and indefinable missing that they recognize has to be there for a laasting relationship that they need to make them happy long term. Some have the courage to face that fact and break it off, others do not and get themselves into a lifetime or years of long discomfort or unhappiness, which most often then involves children.
Too often, couples get married when at least one has doubts and reservations that he doesn’t want to express for fear of being too disruptive to what has already been established and a course that is expected. Wedding arrangements have been made, invitations have been sent, people have made plans to attend. The doubter talks himself into going through with it for all these reasons, plus that the uncomfortable aspects will go away or be gotten used to.
How many times have we heard someone say, “I never really loved her/him when I married’?
If someone can be happier with someone else, or at least without the person in his current life, that breakup should ultimately be welcomed as a huge avoidance of a disaster down the road for both. This is the kindest thing a person with doubts and second feelings can do for all the current and future lives involved.
Jason did the right thing, otherwise it would have eaten away at him for his remaining years and negatively effected his relationship with Melissa too. Some may view Molly as Miss Second Choice, but think about that. In reality, she was and is his first choice, having gotten away from the situation long enough to let his real feelings surface.
Realize too, it’s not a usual situation as are most dating relationships, when the sifting process causes us to eventually look forward to seeing one person above all others until our preference is clear to us. Jason did not have that luxury, but in all fairness to him, it took a lot more courage to undo his decision and go forth with his heartfelt passion in such an extremely public arena rather than locking in to something that he knew would cause all involved to live a miserable lie. So, hats off to Jason, who saved the day and the years for several on many fronts by being honest enough, gracious, brave, kind and wise enough to spare himself and others the discontentment that would have arisen from lack of those traits. I wish them nothing but the best and hope you do too.
For more about my book “Kindred Threads-Loving Relationships,” see my website: sandydickson.com
|
