Dear lawn treatment people,
It is my desire and intention to have a little chat with you folks about your product that is supposed to feed the lawn at the same time it gets rid of dandelions. Really, the whole reason I bought it is not because I necessarily wanted to fertilize my lawn, which is large enough to dread mowing, (so why would I want to fertilize it?) but because of the darned dandelions. You probably know, being in the lawn business and all, that dandelions are capable of growing at least eight inches overnight.
The lawn can just have been mowed the day before, then under the cloak of darkness, the dandelions sneak out while least noticed and until the sunlight appears again and makes the whole lawn look neglected. One could watch them grow if he wanted to stay up all night with a flashlight and catch them in the very act.
So of course, a product that will kill off the weeds is quite tempting, even if it does make the grass grow faster, because even fertilized grass blades can’t rival the speed of dandelions.
The bag’s directions are in tiny print, but say to apply when the grass is still wet with dew. Good enough for me. I got up early in the morning for this. After all, it’s war.
What? My sister says it also warns not to apply before it rains, but that it should be 48 hours without being rained upon. I guess in my excitement, I didn’t read the small print far enough. Like a lack of rain is predictable, despite the weather channel. Now you’re talkin’ shooting gallery at a carnival. Chancy at best.
This brings me to my question. Have you ever lived in north-eastern Illinois? Are you trying to kid us unfortunate weather-challenged folks here? We’re not that challenged mentally. What makes you think this is even possible; knowing ahead of time that we won’t get rain for 48 hours? And what makes you think such a desirable weather pattern is even possible here? Have you ever heard of ‘lake effect?’ By the way, we are situated right next to the largest of the great lakes: Lake Michigan. Bottom line to this is that whatever is predicted by the weather man is out the window here—on the days one dares to even keep the windows open!
It’s currently the 2nd of June and not only is there cloud cover now, but there has been for days. It’s been vacillating between 50 and 80 degrees and between high winds and calm, blue, then gray skies—in the same day. And at night it can do whatever it wants to, even rain heavily, while people are sleeping, and don’t know by morning what it did unless booming thunder has woken them up.
I think you shouldn’t even sell this stuff in the Midwest—at least not northeastern Illinois. Or perhaps you could have specially issued labels for this area, otherwise it’s robbery of innocent, unsuspecting people.
Special labels could be something like: For those in northeastern Illinois: “Great for those with a gambling spirits! Directions are variable for special, weather-challenged areas, in which case, ignore all of the above. Drop this product on your lawn at your own risk. If it rains, it rains; take your chances. No one said life would be easy, but with our product, you can at least make it easy for your weeds. Let your God-given weeds grow if they want. Have a little fun with it. Spread our product and then guess if the weather will make your attempt successful and allow our product to work in the intended manner. If you live in the afore mentioned zone, it’s a crap shoot.”
Just a thought.
Sincerely, Sandy Dickson
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