“No, Mindy, I don't know why Mr. Fraley, the Principal, shut himself in his office and was banging his head on his desk.”
"By the way, Cindy, why were my false teeth in your crayon box? Oh, because it would be fun to watch me eat lunch? You were hoping I wouldn’t notice this before we were dismissed for our two-week holiday break weren’t you? Would you do this to your grandmother?”
"And does anyone have any idea how the earthworms from the horticulture experiment in Ms. Burke's room wound up Ms. Glover's top desk drawer? No, they didn't crawl there, Roger. That would be impossible. They probably all would have died there by the time school gets back into session if they hadn’t been discovered.—Oh, you planned to put some dirt in there for them? And just when were you going to do this? Never mind. Ms. Glover is keeping her room locked tightly from now on.”
"Also, Ms Granada called the office from her cell phone to say someone glued her chair and when she sat in it, she got stuck. She was stuck when she called and therefore, can't make it into the computer room for that class without getting out of her slacks. The chair has coasters on it, but as we all know, there are steps to get to the computer room. Does anyone know anything about that?"
"Yes,Dorrie. I can hear you from in there and I will get to that. I told your mother I would allow you out of the coat closet when you untied all those scarves you knotted together and I really meant it."
“By the way, I hope you know that the private lives and homes of teachers should remain private. That is, there should be no violation of their personal property or homes. I know some of you don’t like math, but I was talking to Mrs. Thornbottom, the math teacher and she said someone of the appearance of one particular student in here, was tromping on her begonias in her home garden on more than one occasion last spring. Would it help you to know she has had a surveillance camera installed? That means no antics this winter when you have some extra time on your hands. Neither this break, nor any other time is meant for mischief. She will be speaking with you shortly.”
“Does anyone know anything about who spelled out names of their 6 least favorite teachers in this school in wads of chewed gum on the hallway floor to the teacher’s lounge? Do you have any idea how much havoc freshly chewed gum is to step on? –Well, yes, you probably do. And how did you get so much gum chewed? I was told someone in here collected it from all the kids in exchange for throwing snowballs at teachers and their cars. Okay, everyone in that group of offenders will stay after school for an extra hour each afternoon this week and write, ‘I will not misuse gum and I’m very sorry and then list all those 18 teachers’ names.’ These will be distributed among to the 18 teachers who spent ½ an hour cleaning gum off their shoes.”
“Also, on the issue of the ice slide. How did it get so icy between the side door and the teachers’ parking lot? Someone or a few someones spent a few hours packing the areas between the steps with snow and then pouring water on that area all the snow all the way out to the parking lot on that sidewalk. It now only takes teachers 3 seconds to get from that door to their cars. This should not happen and now we will have to wait until the spring thaw to use that route to our cars.”
“By the way Jason, when all are seated in the classroom and you come hurrying in a bit late blurting out, ‘I didn’t do it’ then a minute later a cherry bomb explodes in the boys’ room toilet, that’s what is called a red flag.”
“And by the way, I think everyone appreciates Christmas spirit, but the cafeteria kitchen is definitely off-limits to students. And whoever managed to sneak the food coloring into the mashed potatoes probably realizes by now that mixing red and green together at the same time makes a very unappetizing color.”
“I have other issues to discuss too, but, and I do have a big but, I need to go check on Mr. Fraley. One of you asked me why he sometimes goes into the cafeteria walk-in freezer and just screams. I will get back to you on that. Last I know of him, he was still in his office with the door locked. So for now, I will simply say Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope your vacation is meaningful and wonderful. Try to come back rested and calm rather than too rambunctious and wound up.
