As these modern times go on, more people are continually becoming familiar with a GPS; that is, the little box that adheres to a windshield while resting on the vehicle dashboard and communicates with a satellite somewhere in outer space.
The driver programs an address in to the apparatus as to where he wants to go, and also the address of the starting point. The voice takes over from there.
The trouble is, if you want to make a stop somewhere in between, the voice hasn't taken that into consideration. It's possible to plan ahead and tell the box about all your stops, but you usually don't know about all the stops ahead of time.
So you're driving along, and you see a sign for a Dairy Queen. Boy, a Buster Bar would be mighty tasty.
You pull off the route and into the Dairy Queen. The voice says, "Make the nearest legal U-turn."
You ignore it. You want that Buster Bar. You get the feeling the voice doesn't like that and really wants to say, "You idiot. Didn't you hear what I said? I said to make a U turn."
Instead, you stop the car, and get and procure your Buster bar.
Now you get back in, and the voice tells you how to proceed to compensate for the error you just made. But you can read between the lines.
"Calculating route," she says. And you know she means, "You idiot. I told you to keep on the interstate and now you've screwed everything up."
You progress toward the interstate and she is satisfied. She says something like "Proceed north on route." And you hear a couple little chiming sounds, which I think means, "I have spoken. So there."
But it isn't long before you decide you have to use a rest stop. So, once again, you plan for that as you drive closer to the turnoff for it, even though you know you are going to make her mad. So you say, "I don't want to hear one peep out of you."
She says, "Get that turn signal off immediately. You're not turning,"
To which you respond, "Oh, yes I am, lady." And you pull off.
You expect something like, "You people are driving me crazy."
But she says, "Make immediate U turn at the first opportunity."
"I won't. You can't tell me what to do." And then you use your favorite childhood expression; "You're not the boss of me."
"I can and I am telling you what to do. You are supposed to be heading north. Just where do you think you're going?"
You shut the engine off after you park. She's ticked and you know it.
When you come back to the car, she says, "Are you happy now? You've messed me up again."
"Yes, I'm happy very now. But okay, I'll go north."
After a breathy sigh, she says, "Recalculating route."
But a few miles down the road, there's the discount mall where you love to stop and you pull off again. You didn't know how to program this in either.
"Now where do you think you're going?"
You justify this with her."But I always stop at this discount mall."
"I don't care. You don't need to buy anything. You've got enough junk at home. Take an immediate U turn, legal or illegal, or else back up on this offramp and get back on the interstate. Now!"
Of course you won't and you tell her so. You want to go shopping. After that excursion, you turn the ignition back on, and she simply says, defeatedly, "You've messed me up again. Recalculating route."
At some point you may cross over some geographical line where the lady's voice changes to a man's voice. He's bright and chipper, and not sassy yet. But you know what she told him about you.:
"Frank, can you take over? These people are driving me nuts."
